The Facts of Life
- Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're OK,
you're it.
- Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
- Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
- A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
- It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
- Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
- If you are given on open-book exam, you will forget your book.
- COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.
- The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how
difficult it was.
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
- Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
- The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see
better than he can think.
- Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if
everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid, too.
- Schizophrenics are people two.
- A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on
your way.
- Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where
you can't find them.
- Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly
distributed.
- Supplement: A .44 Magnum beats 4 aces.
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