Memo to All Employees

IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO THE MANAGEMENTS'S ATTENTION THAT SOME INDIVIDUALS HAVE BEEN USING FOUL LANGUAGE IN THE COURSE OF NORMAL CONVERSATION AMONG EMPLOYEES. DUE TO COMPLAINTS FROM SOME OF THE MORE EASILY OFFENDED WORKERS, THIS CONDUCT WILL NO LONGER BE TOLERATED.

THE MANAGEMENT REALIZES, HOWEVER, THE IMPORTANCE OF EACH PERSON BEING ABLE TO PROPERLY EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS WHEN COMMUNICATING WITH THEIR FELLOW EMPLOYEES. THEREFORE, THE MANAGEMENT HAS COMPILED THE FOLLOWING CODE PHRASES, SO THAT THE PROPER EXCHANGE OF IDEAS AND INFORMATION CAN CONTINUE.

NEW PHRASE: OLD PHRASE
1. I'm not certain that's feasible.: 1. No fucking way.
2. really.: 2. you've got to be shitting me.
3. perhaps you should check with ....: 3. tell someone who gives a shit.
4. of course I'm concerned.: 4. ask me if I give a shit.
5. I wasn't involved with that project.: 5. it's not my fucking problem.
6. interesting behavior.: 6. what the fuck?????
7. I'm not sure I can implement this.: 7. fuck it. It won't work.
8. I'll try to schedule that.: 8. why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner?
9. perhaps I can work late.: 9. when the fuck do you expect me to do it?
10. are you sure it's a problem?: 10. who the fuck cares?
11. he's not familar with the problem.: 11. he's got his head up his ass.
12. you don't say.: 12. eat shit.
13. excuse me?: 13. eat shit and die.
14. excuse me, sir?: 14. eat shit and die motherfucker
15. they weren't happy with it?: 15. what the fuck do they want from me?
16. so you'd like me help with it?: 16. kiss my ass.
17. I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.: 17. fuck it, I'm on salary.
18. I don't think you understand.: 18. shove it up your ass.
19. I love a challenge.: 19. this fucking job sucks.
20. do you want me to take care of this?: 20. who the hell died and left you boss?
21. I see.: 21. blow me.
22. do you see?: 22. blow yourself.
23. yes, we should discuss this.: 23. another fucking meeting.
24. I don't think it will be a problem.: 24. I really don't give a shit.

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