DECEMBER 8th: 6:00 p.m.- It started snowing today the first of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat by the window watching the beautiful soft flakes fall placidly down all over the area. What a lovely sight to behold.
DECEMBER 9th: We awoke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub was covered by a beautiful coating of snow. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. So exhilirating! I shoveled both the driveway and the sidewalks. Later a snow plow came by and covered our sidewalks and part of the drive, so I shoveled once again.
DECEMBER 11th: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Oh well, I am sure we will get some more before this lovely winter is through.
DECEMBER 12th: It snowed 10 inches last night and the temperature dropped 20 below zero. I went outside and shoveled the driveway and the sidewalks. The snow plow came through and did it's trick again.
DECEMBER 13th: It snowed another 8 inches last night. I went out once again to shovel. The plow came by again and you guessed it! So I shoveled again. Pondered the thought of selling the station wagon and getting a 4 x 4.
DECEMBER 14th: Well it's still snowing. It snowed another 6 inches last night. I sold the station wagon today and bought a 4x4 Blazer so I can now drive in the snow. Bought snow tires for the wife's car.
DECEMBER 16th: It stopped snowing, now we have freezing rain. Went outside and fell on my ass in the driveway.
DECEMBER 17th: Stopped raining. The temperature is 28 below zero and it's starting to snow again.
DECEMBER 18th: Still colder than a "Well-Digger's Ass" (22 below zero in the a.m.) and the icy roads make for tough driving.
DECEMBER 20th: We had another 14 inches of the white shit last night. More shoveling in store for me today. The damn snow plow came by twice today.
DECEMBER 22nd: We will be assured of a white Christmas because 13 more inches of that damn shit fell today and with the fucking freezing weather it probably won't melt until August. I got all dressed up to go out and shovel (boots, longjohns, snowmobile suit, scarf, earmuffs, hat, goggles, and gloves). Then I got the urge to pee.
DECEMBER 23rd: I was going to go ice-fishing today but the damn worms froze and I didn't want the fish to break their teeth on my bait.
DECEMBER 24th: If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives that damn snow plow, I'll drag him bare-assed naked through the snow by his balls. I think the bastard hides around the corner and waits until I'm finished shoveling and then comes down the street at 100 fuckin miles per hour, just to see how far he can throw that white shit back on to my lawn and driveway.
DECEMBER 25th: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! HO HO HO! The weatherman predicts 20 more inches of this white Bullshit. I wonder if they know just how many fucking shovels full of this white shit 20 inches really is? Assholes!!! Fuck Santa, he doesn't have to bust his balls shoveling this crap. He has his fucking elves do it for him. The snow plow driver came by today and asked for donations for Toys for Tots. I wrapped him so fuckin hard upside the head with my snow shovel, it'll be fuckin Christmas in July before that asshole remembers his name.
DECEMBER 26th: Guess who got 28 inches of snow last night? I think that I'm going snow blind or getting severe cabin fever because the wife is starting to look really fine to me.
DECEMBER 27th: It's so damn cold the cock sucking toilet froze last night. If you go outside, don't eat the yellow or the brown snow.
DECEMBER 28th: It was so fuckin cold last night all the water pipes froze. I should probably sell fucking tickets to my neighbors so they can iceskate in my living room.
DECEMBER 29th: I set the fucking house on fire. Now I want to see that white Bullshit cling to MY roof!!